ALISON'S MUSE NEWS Blog
|Posted by Alison on May 14, 2021 at 1:55 AM|
My my my… My husband used to say, quite frequently actually, that I should write a book. Yes, maybe true when I was younger but now with failing cataract eyesight and a be-fuddled brain. Well, let us see how I get on with blogging.
I will apologise up front it all seems to be about me and my day to day experienced which nobody could in the slightest find of interest. Even my family are unlikely to read. Somehow, the writings are turning out to be more of a diarist blabberings but hey if you don’t try you will never know.
Was I angry yesterday? Yes, actually full rage, furious. How would you react? Up early as indeed this morning 3 a.m. seems to be the norm by 4’ish I am up and dressed and listening to the birds which is nice. Last week a friend came round for coffee and we sat outside in the cold albeit workshop with heater on. It took two days of bed to warm up I was so cold. Another lovely couple came round later in the week and yet again we sat outside and sure enough that inside cold feeling was back on me.
I do hope that this is not going to change into me me me but it definitely is panning out that way.
Anyhow back to yesterday. Up early already planned barbeque menu as we decided on the previous week visit. She evidently does not cook on barbeques and never has so I said that I would on the following Tuesday, as in yesterday. Morrisons delivered Monday all the necessary, meat, rolls, salads – I say salads, ready made bowls of salads, potato, cold slaw, all for the barbecue entertainment. As with my way of thinking I ought to purchase two varieties of everything just in case they have run out of one product so that I actually receive what is required. For example two green leaf salad bowls just in case one is not available. I had made a homemade rhubarb crumble, because she likes her puddings so also bought cream and crème freche. As you can tell all the order arrived so the spare of meats; chicken, beefburgers, sausages were put in the freezer and the remainder in the fridge in anticipation.
Well my morning started off early and as per normal the computer went on to check emails, sales, questions, for DCB Antiques and DCB Books my shop sites that have been on the go since 2007! A way to keep brain active an interest retained and for ever learning. Thousands of items for sale in both online shops, primarily provided by clients, all of whom I totally adore. Last count thirty plus wonderful supporters as clients who have become friends.
I err from yesterday. Right; half completed projects in the workshop to resume and finish to tidy up and my idea of using empty paint tins filled with concrete to hold and support posts has worked out quite well. The tins were painted black in preparation and left outside to dry.
Just come back up to the office since I last started pontificating. Put the kettle on to boil. I have never known such a slow kettle I ended up putting the chardonnay wine back into the fridge outside in the workshop, checked the quality of workmanship of yesterday morning. Remembered I hadn’t put the wheelie bin out, due to be emptied today, I have not put them out for weeks so totally out of sinc and because of this I hadn’t a clue which bin is due to be placed outside by the road kerb side. So up the drive I strolled at 6 a.m. the robin is singing and sitting proudly at the top of the silver birch (nearly time for the top to be brought down, always aware that if it fell down in the wrong direction it could cause an accident), I could here the woodpecker tapping away on a tree, though which one I don’t know, recognised that I have been hearing him every morning early time… By the time I had walked up and down the drive my thought ran to the fit bit watch which I have had on charge and not put on. After all I have now done quite a few steps already this morning. The left over concrete was too runny for use in repairing the rendering which has come off at the top of the arch, attempted to use but managed to get more under the ladder than on the open wound of the rendering. Sudden thought, because I hate waste, I saw a programme on television where the presenter soaked an old towel in concrete and hung it to dry over a bucket to make a handkerchief plant holder or just as a feature in the garden. So, this is what I have done, plenty of old towels, don’t want to get to batty first attempt after all. Followed the procedure and left outside to dry. Should have considered the heavy rain forecast and received. As I came back in past my concrete feature I noted that the towel was still sitting in position but the concrete did not look in any way dry! Watch this space, I shall let you know if it works out. Well that was yesterday afternoon.
Back to yesterday morning. I hoisted the Union Jack Flag only to realise that it was not as I thought but an RAF flag – once up I looked and thought ‘I bet if there is a right way or a wrong way’ – sure enough, back down again and rehoisted the correct way round. Why I had not realised the error of flag purchase was the bag only showed the Union, ah well does not matter and Tony would have appreciated the reference to his time in the RAF.
Right! hoovered the debris off the floor in the workshop positioned table ready for cloth. Cushions out on the chairs, just in case, the sun comes out and we can enjoy. Right all dirty duties outside completed and now to change out of work clothes to start on the food for the barbecue. I went indoors upstairs got changed into smarter clothing cleaned and brushed up! Having previously placed the oven on to heat up. Always, especially with white meat like to part cook ready to finish off on the barbecue. Everything out tablecloth with cutlery, plates, napkins, glasses, sauces and chutneys on a small tray, everything going well and to plan. Coffee machine loaded ready for action. As I passed the telephone I noted the red light flashing. The phone must have gone whilst I was outside and unheard. Yes my visitor had left a message; ‘don’t worry about a barbecue we can do that another time’ – ‘I shall still bring the bookcase over at 12 midday anyway as it is in the back of the car in preparation’. I could not believe it. I looked round to the halogen oven which was working well with the meats in preparation. The barbecue ready to put on, fortunately, had not been lit even so my blood was boiling. Reparation time as I started putting everything away again. Putting the meat that had not been started off in the oven into the freezer along with the bread rolls and crumble… Looks like salad will be a daily menu as it needs to be eaten up a short ‘shelf’ life. Well if I am to lift furniture in and out of the car and expecting only now a short visit. I went upstairs and got back into my work clothes.
My visitor arrived. I went to the front door as she parked the furthest point from the front door. I nearly said ‘why don’t you back the car up to the front door’ but I was too weary and angry though attempting to be all hail and hearty. Anyway, I went to help her get the glass fronted cupboard out of the back of her car and we carried it across the drive to inside the front porch. Where it now stands until a position found for it.
“Would you like a coffee?” I asked out of politeness especially as we had to sort out the payment for the item. Which, she was trying to tell me where to put in the house or if I was going to sell, I ignored her orders. “Yes please”. In reply to the coffee.
So we ended up sitting outside looking at the recovered barbecue in the sun on the patio with a cup of coffee. I did not bring out the biscuits or cakes, which I would as a norm with anybody who comes…
It started to rain which prevented further talk. During which mention was made of her being told she had common sense. I felt like saying that the person who had said this must have had a sense of humour or showed the calibre of people she was working with.
There you have it why I was so angry and why I found myself sitting at the table on my own with salad and chicken, sausages and beefburger.
The day went well, within reason. The roses planted but in the process I had weed the area. Tomato plants, being given out free, sorted and checked. Sweet red pepper plants now available for free along with the masks, bags, candles etc etc.
Now back to work today Wednesday 12 May.
Early up. Raining. Well I have visited the Government website to record the flow test taken last night. It seemed like a good thing to do with the waiting period of a programme on television that I wanted to view. So the interim period taken up. Clear; hoorah. Spent an age on the Government website answering questions, more questions and then more. On occasion I wanted to respond with other helpful, I thought to them who process, additional information so I shall store up for the due phone call meeting. Unbelievable! I am not working at present. Everyone knows why I resigned from the agency my thoughts being that if you could not recommend the company you work for and do not like their working ethics then it would be better to ‘go it’ alone. I am 63 going on 64 years of age and a few years ago at these respective ages I would be ‘drawing’ a pension but no I have to wait for three more years and expected to return to work in the meantime. My whole body aches. As I sit here typing or keying my muscles, joints are aching. Although part of my daily routine before getting up and dressed is to take four pain-killers. My lumbago has healed, though aware that if I sit in drafts the likelihood is the return. My fault for entertaining outside last week. The result of two days, which should have been better spent in recovering the garden in bed because I was shaking from cold inside and out.
Still the pain in the back which catches my breath is there. A fall onto a brick wall that did not give way is taking forever to repair. Of course this did not stop my mounting the ladders to get some of the house decorated a long overdue task. Stopped decorating for now.
Applied for disability benefit; well I would not employ myself though full of enthusiasm everything is willing barring the body. At least when working at home I can indulge the countless visits to the bathroom. The loss of control is embarrassing. Years ago I attended the consultant at University Hospital. I had heard that Sharon Osborne had suffered similarly and a small operation had sorted the issue. After being violated I went away and vowed not to return. A nightmare interview with embarrassing consequences; I did not return for the result. Now I find when the call of nature is upon me I have to go promptly, sometimes with no time to shut the bathroom door. Depressed, yes.
I still miss my husband who for 36 years stood by my side. Supporting, looking after me being there to talk to me, help when required (except for medical matters, tacit, unspoken). Only in his last year did he ever lift his hand or voice but it was all due to his depression, anxiety, the knowledge that his body was not functioning. We both cried together and the laughter, oh I do miss the laughter, the sense of fun and the way he could see a joke when really there was none but the girls used to say that they loved coming to attend because invariably they went away with jaws aching from laughter. A bottled memory. Now the house is quiet except for the occasional pipe noises or floorboard creeks. I could write a book on our life together and how it was affected by kidney disease and latterly motor neuron disease. He did not deserve nobody does.
Well disability declined I only ticked one of the boxes so my P45 was duly sent out to me. I had previously applied for unemployment benefit or todays’ equivalent but again declined as fit for work. So I am now the grand possessor of two P45s.
Having finished my blog post of yesterday I went outside to collect the wheelie bin in which had subsequently been emptied. It was nice enough to stay in the garden. So the netting attached to stakes (homemade of course) was duly taken to the wall in the front garden. It was more of a strain than I first thought the job would be. I decided number 10 rawlplugs and screws were brought out to strengthen the upper support with the electric Bosch drill, screwdriver and hammer. The garden area itself had to be cleared in preparation for the new structure so a few wheelbarrows loaded with the unwanted was taken down to the compost area. I don’t know why I am going into a long explanation of this task, I suspect it is me saying that I did actually complete one job yesterday in between the sleep periods and boy do I sleep. I did expect having spent, especially the last year of his life, turning him every half hour day and night that my broken sleep pattern may return but obviously not. I do not want to start taking sleeping pills especially being on my own if somebody else was in the house; that would be a different matter altogether.
I slept yesterday morning after writing the blog; suddenly feeling tired I went back to bed and slept until midday. No sooner had I finished the now completed fixture of the netting and stakes the sweet peas have been placed in position. Came indoors had some leftover salad and barbecue food and then, again, snuggled up into bed fully clothed and fell asleep. Woke up at 6 pm. Shut up the workshop and greenhouse. Came in closed the downstairs curtains; though, I didn’t. I found this morning that I had left the hallway curtains open.
I did not have a coffee yesterday at all throughout the day but I fancy one now. So, I shall venture down the apple and pears.
Signing off …